Ezinsukwini ezimbalwa ezedlule, uMichael Douglas noCatherine Zeta-Jones bamemezele ukuthi bayahlukana. Kubikwa ukuthi isizathu sokuhlukana “ukuthatha isikhathi sokwehlukana futhi bazisebenzele.” Umshado weminyaka engu-13 ubekezelele umdlavuza womphimbo kaDouglas kanye nokuxilongwa kukaZeta-Jones ukuthi uphethwe yi-Bi-Polar Disorder. Wona lo mbiko uphawula nokuthi akukaze kuthathwe izinyathelo zomthetho.
Okuphakamisa umbuzo: ingabe ukwehlukana kungawusindisa umshado? Lokho kulula ukuthi “yebo, kungakwenza.” Umbuzo onzima kakhulu uthi "ingabe ukwehlukana kuzowusindisa umshado?" Impendulo yalokho ithi “akunasidingo.” Eqinisweni, ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi okungenani i-50% yemibhangqwana ehlukene ayikwenzi. Bagcina ngesahlukaniso. Ingabe lelo nani libukeka lifana nawe ngokusolisayo nenani lemishado ephela ngobuningi babantu?
Lokhu kuyiqiniso ngesizathu esisodwa esilula: ukuhlukana akulona ikhambi, futhi kufanele ngempela kubonakale “njengomzamo wokugcina,” hhayi indawo yokuqala.
Ngokokuhlangenwe nakho kwami, ukwehlukana ngokuvamile “kuyizilolongelo zokugqoka zesehlukaniso.” Umshado, nezindaba zomshado, kumele zixazululwe yibo bobabili abantu. Ukwehlukana ngokuvamile kuletha impumuzo ebuhlungwini bomzabalazo… kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi kukhona ushintsho lwangempela olwenzekayo. Uma ngikhipha isandla sami emfuleni wamanzi ashisayo, ngizozizwa ngikhululekile ekukhipheni isandla sami ekushiseni. Lokho akwenzi lutho ukuguqula izinga lokushisa lalawo manzi.
Kaningi, ukuhlukaniswa kufeza izinhloso ezimbili:
1) Ivumela umuntu oyedwa ukuthi aqale inqubo yokuqhela komunye umuntu. Ngamanye amazwi, kuyisinyathelo esiyisigamu sokuhlukanisa.
2) Ivumela bobabili abantu ukuba babalekele ukushuba kwesimo sabo samanje, kodwa ngaphandle kwanoma yisiphi isixazululo noma ushintsho.
Ngakho-ke, yebo, ukwehlukana kungaba yingxenye yomshado othola ukuphulukiswa, kodwa kuphela uma kusetshenziswe ngendlela efanele.
Nansi eminye imihlahlandlela yokusebenzisa ukwehlukana njengendlela yokulondoloza umshado:
1) Sebenzisa ukuhlukanisa ezindaweni ezihlukene njengendlela yokugcina.
Ukwehlukana phakathi kwekhaya kungaba isiqalo esingcono. Kunganikeza ibanga elidingekayo ukuze kumiswe ubuhlungu nokukhathazeka kwenkinga yobudlelwano.
2) Ngaphambi kokuhlukana, cacisa kahle ukuthi uzohlala kanjani uxhumekile.
Ungase uzwe abantu bethi AKUFANELE UNGAXHUMANE NAWE ngesikhathi sokuhlukana. Okokuqala, uma kukhona izingane ezihilelekile, lokhu akunakwenzeka. Okwesibili, kuholela ekutheni bobabili abantu bazakhele ezabo izimpilo, ngaleso sikhathi kuba yizingubo zokuzilolongela isehlukaniso.
Inkinga yangempela ebudlelwaneni ukunqanyulwa. Ukunqanyulwa okwengeziwe akwenzi lutho ukukulungisa lokho, kodwa ngokuvamile kwandisa ukunqanyulwa.
3) Misa imihlangano ejwayelekile ukuze kuxoxwe ngezindaba ezingokoqobo eziphuma empilweni ehlangene: amashejuli, ezezimali, njll.
Ukuba nesikhathi esijwayelekile sokuthinta isisekelo nokubhekana nalezo zinkinga kuzonciphisa ukukhathazeka kwabo bobabili abantu.
4) Hlela izikhathi ezijwayelekile zokuthi nibe ndawonye - AKUKHO izinkulumo ngobudlelwano noma izinkinga zakho. Ithuba nje lokuba ndawonye esimweni esilula nasendaweni.
Setha isikhathi sesidlo sasemini esivamile, isikhathi sekhofi, ukuhamba ngezinyawo, noma ezinye izikhathi ukuze nibe ndawonye ningalindele lutho. Lokhu kuqala ukuqeda ukuhlukana okungenzeka kuholele ezinkingeni zomshado.
5) Zibophezele kuwe ngokuthi uhlose ukuzithuthukisa kanjani.
Imishado ivame ukuholela ekuzikhuliseni, futhi ukwehlukana, uma umuntu enenhloso, kungaba yindlela yokuqala inqubo yakho yokukhula. Kungase kusho ukuhlangana nomelaphi, umqeqeshi, noma umngane omethembayo.
Okubalulekile ngalesi sikhathi wukungaphazanyiswa wukulimala kokuhlukana. Gxila kulokho ongakwazi ukukulawula: wena kanye nesiqondiso sakho. Hamba uye ohlangothini lokukhula nokuthuthuka. Hamba endleleni yokuxhuma nomngane wakho womshado, uma kungenzeka.
6) Gwema ukwenza ngendlela enenzondo, ethukuthele, esabelayo, noma yokuphindisela.
Ungazami ukufundisa isifundo, noma uzame ukugqugquzela ukusabela. Lesi akusona isikhathi sokwenza iphuzu, kodwa esokusungula umfelandawonye nokusungula kabusha ukuxhumana.
Uma ukhetha ukusabela ngendlela yentukuthelo noma yokuphindisela, cishe uyomane uqinisekise izizathu zomngane wakho womshado zokudinga ukwehlukana. Ngeke kugculise owakwakho ukuthi acabange kabusha, futhi ngeke kufundise oshade naye noma yisiphi isifundo esiwusizo - ngaphandle kokuqinisekisa isidingo sokuhlala kude.
7) Gwema ukuncenga, ukuncenga, noma ukuphoqa umuntu ukuthi abuyele ekhaya.
Uma isinqumo sesithathiwe sokuhlukana, ukuhlukana kudinga ukuqedwa ngesinqumo sokuxhuma kabusha. Akufanele kwenziwe ngaphansi kokucindezelwa, ihlazo, noma umuzwa wecala.
8) Gwema ukusebenzisa izingane njenge-chip yokuxoxisana.
Izingane zizoba yizinqola kulokhu. Izingane zingamaqembu angenacala angahlanganise lutho nobudlelwano benu, ngakho-ke ningawasebenzisi njengezingxoxo zokuxoxisana. Kalula nje, izingane zidinga ukufinyelela kubo bobabili abazali, ngaphandle kokuzizwa bedonswa noma ukuba yingxenye yomzabalazo.
9) Ukuze uthole ukuhlukaniswa okwakhayo, nquma isikhathi esihlakaniphile.
Ukuhlukana okuvulekile kunzima kuzo zombili izinhlangothi. “Angazi ukuthi kuze kube nini” impendulo enzima nhlangothi zombili. Ukuhlukana kwaphela kanjani? Zonke izinkinga ngeke zixazululwe, ngakho lokho akuwona umdlalo wokugcina. Ngokuphazima kweso ukuzizwa ulungele ukubuyelana nakho kuwukunwebeka, njengoba kuzoba nokungabaza ukungena kabusha endaweni ebikade iyingxabano.
Kodwa ukuba nohlaka lwesikhathi (futhi ngiphakamisa ukuthi UNGAPHEZU kwezinyanga ezi-3), lapho-ke ekupheleni kwaleso sikhathi, usufikile ngesikhathi sokuqeda ukuhlukana. Ukuhlukana-ke kuyikhefu elihlelekile, elinesiphetho esimisiwe.
Uma oshade naye engeke avume, ungakuvumeli lokho kube elinye iphuzu lomshikashika. Khumbula, ungakwazi kuphela ukulawula ukuphela kwakho kwesimo.
10) Qala ukuhlukana ucabange ngesiphetho. Qala ngokuqonda ukuthi isizathu sokuhlukana siwukudlulela ngale kwezinkinga, ukuvikela ubuhlobo obuqinile nobuxhumene kakhulu.
Nakuba ngingahambisani nokuhlukana, ngiyazi ukuthi kuyenzeka. Ngakho-ke, uma ukwehlukana kungenakugwema, yakha ngendlela ezozuzisa ubuhlobo bakho. Ungavumeli ukwehlukana kuphazamise ubuhlobo bakho.
Ingabe Ukwehlukana Kungawusindisa Umshado Wakho? Ividiyo Ehlobene:
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