Kwiintsuku ezimbalwa ezidlulileyo, uMichael Douglas kunye noCatherine Zeta-Jones babhengeze ukuba bayahlukana. Ngokwengxelo, isizathu sokwahlukana “kukuchitha ixesha elithile kunye nokuzisebenzela.” Umtshato we-13 weminyaka unyamezele umhlaza womqala kaDouglas kunye nokuxilongwa kwe-Zeta-Jones yokubandezeleka kwe-Bi-Polar Disorder. Kwale ngxelo inye ikwaphawula ukuba akukhange kubekho manyathelo asemthethweni.
Yintoni ephakamisa lo mbuzo: ngaba ukwahlukana kunokusindisa umtshato? Oko kukuthi “ewe, kunokwenzeka.” Owona mbuzo untsokothileyo ngulo "ngaba ukwahlukana kuya kuwusindisa umtshato?" Impendulo yalo mbuzo ithi "akunjalo." Enyanisweni, uphando lubonisa ukuba ubuncinane i-50% yezibini ezahlukanayo azikwenzi. Baphela ngoqhawulo-mtshato. Ngaba elo nani likhangeleka ngendlela ekrokrisayo kuwe kwinani lemitshato ephela kuluntu ngokubanzi?
Oku kuyinyaniso ngesizathu esinye esilula: ukwahlukana akusiyo i-panacea, kwaye kufanele kubonwe ngokwenene "njengomzamo wokugqibela," kungekhona indawo yokuqala.
Ngokusuka kumava am, ukwahlukana ngokuqhelekileyo “kukuziqhelanisa noqhawulo-mtshato.” Umtshato, kunye nemiba yomtshato, kufuneka iqwalaselwe ngaba bantu babini. Ukwahlukaniswa kuzisa isiqabu kwiintlungu zomzabalazo… kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba kukho utshintsho lokwenyani olukhoyo. Ukuba ndikhupha isandla sam kumsinga wamanzi ashushu, ndiya kuziva ndikhululekile ekukhupheni isandla sam ebushushwini. Loo nto ayenzi nto ukutshintsha ubushushu baloo manzi.
Amaxesha amaninzi, ukwahlukana kufeza enye yeenjongo ezimbini:
I-1) Ivumela umntu omnye ukuba aqalise inkqubo yokuqhelana nomnye umntu. Ngamanye amazwi, linyathelo elisisiqingatha ukuya kuqhawulo-mtshato.
2) Ivumela bobabini abantu ukuba babaleke ukuxinezeleka kwimeko yabo yangoku, kodwa ngaphandle kwesisombululo okanye utshintsho.
Ke, ewe, ukwahlukana kunokuba yinxalenye yomtshato ofumana ukuphiliswa, kodwa kuphela ukuba usetyenziswa ngokufanelekileyo.
Nazi ezinye izikhokelo zokusebenzisa ukwahlukana njengendlela yokugcina umtshato:
I-1) Sebenzisa ukwahlukana kwiindawo ezahlukeneyo njengokhetho lokugqibela.
Ukwahlukana phakathi kwekhaya kunokuba sisiqalo esingcono. Inokunika umgama ofunekayo ukumisa iintlungu kunye nexhala lengxaki yobudlelwane.
I-2) Ngaphambi kokwahlula, cacisa ngokucacileyo malunga nendlela oya kuhlala uxhumeke ngayo.
Unokuva abantu besithi AKUMELE UBE NOnxibelelwano ngexesha lokwahlula. Okokuqala, ukuba kukho abantwana ababandakanyekayo, oku akunakwenzeka. Okwesibini, kukhokelela ekubeni bobabini abantu bazakhele obabo ubomi, ngelo xesha iba sisinxibo sokuziqhelanisa noqhawulo-mtshato.
Eyona ngxaki kubudlelwane kukuqhawulwa konxibelelwano. Uqhawulo olongezelelweyo alwenzi nto ukunyanga oko, kodwa ludla ngokunyusa uqhawulo.
3) Misela iintlanganiso eziqhelekileyo zokuxoxa ngemiba ephathekayo ephuma kubomi obudibeneyo: iishedyuli, iimali, njl.
Ukuba nexesha eliqhelekileyo lokuchukumisa isiseko kunye nokujongana nale miba kuya kunciphisa ixhala kubo bobabini abantu.
4) Misela amaxesha aqhelekileyo ukuba kunye nje - AKUKHO uthetha ngobudlelwane okanye iingxaki zakho. Ithuba nje lokuba kunye kwimeko ekhaphukhaphu kunye nendawo.
Misela ixesha lesidlo sasemini esiqhelekileyo, ixesha lekofu, ukuhamba, okanye amanye amaxesha ukuba kunye kunye nolindelo oluncinci. Oku kuqalisa ukulungisa ukuqhawuka komtshato ekusenokwenzeka ukuba kwakhokelela kwimiba yomtshato.
5) Zibophelele kuwe ngendlela ojonge ukuziphucula ngayo.
Imitshato ihlala ikhokelela ekuzikhuleni, kwaye ukwahlukana, ukuba umntu unenjongo, kunokuba yindlela yokuqala inkqubo yakho yokukhula. Kusenokuthetha ukudibana nonyango, umqeqeshi, okanye umhlobo omthembileyo.
Eyona nto ibalulekileyo ngeli xesha kukuba ungaphazanyiswa yintlungu yokwahlula. Gxininisa kwinto onokuyilawula: wena kunye nesikhokelo sakho. Hamba kwicala lokukhula kunye nophuhliso. Hambisa kwicala lokunxibelelana neqabane lakho, xa kunokwenzeka.
6) Kuphephe ukwenza ngendlela enentiyo, enomsindo, yokuphendula, okanye yokuziphindezela.
Musa ukuzama ukufundisa isifundo, okanye uzame ukuvuselela ukusabela. Eli asiloxesha lokwenza ingongoma, kodwa kukuseka umfelandawonye kunye nokuseka kwakhona unxibelelwano.
Ukuba ukhetha ukusabela ngendlela enomsindo okanye yokuziphindezela, kunokwenzeka ukuba uqiniseke nje ngezizathu zeqabane lakho lokufuna ukwahlukana. Ayizukuqinisekisa iqabane lakho ukuba licinge kwakhona, kwaye ayizukufundisa iqabane lakho nasiphi na isifundo esiluncedo - ngaphandle kokuqinisekisa ngesidingo sokuhlala kude.
7) Kuxhathise ukungqiba, ukucenga, okanye ukunyanzela umntu ukuba abuyele ekhaya.
Emva kokuba isigqibo senziwe ukuhlukana, ukwahlukana kufuneka kupheliswe ngesigqibo sokuphinda udibanise. Ayifanele yenziwe phantsi kokunyanzelwa, ukuhlazeka, okanye ukuziva unetyala.
8) Kuxhathise ukusebenzisa abantwana njengendawo yothethathethwano.
Abantwana baya kuba ngabalahlekileyo koku. Abantwana ngamaqela amsulwa angenanto yakwenza nolwalamano lwenu, ngoko musani ukuwasebenzisa njengeengxoxo zengxoxo. Ngamafutshane, abantwana bafuna ukufikelela kubazali bobabini, ngaphandle kokuziva betsaliwe okanye ukuba yinxalenye yomzabalazo.
9) Ukwahlula okwakhayo, thatha isigqibo malunga nexesha elifanelekileyo.
Ukwahlula okuvulelekileyo kunzima kuwo omabini amaqela. “Andazi ukuba kude kube nini” yimpendulo enzima macala omabini. Ukwahlukana kwaphela njani? Yonke imiba ayinakusonjululwa, ngoko ayingomdlalo wokugqibela. Ngequbuliso ukuziva ukulungele ukuba babuyelane kwakhona ukuzolula, njengoko kuya kubakho mathidala ukuphinda ungene kwindawo ngaphambili ingxabano.
Kodwa ukuba nexesha elimiselweyo (kwaye ndicebisa NGAPHEZU kweenyanga ezi-3), emva koko ekupheleni kwelo xesha, ufikile ngexesha lokuphelisa ukwahlukana. Ukwahlula, ke, ikhefu elicwangcisiweyo, kunye nesiphelo esimiselweyo.
Ukuba iqabane lakho aliyi kuvuma, musa ukuyivumela ukuba ibe yenye ingongoma yomzabalazo. Khumbula, unokulawula kuphela isiphelo sakho semeko.
10) Qala ukwahlukana kunye nesiphelo engqondweni. Qala ngokuqonda ukuba isizathu sokuhlukana kukuhamba ngaphaya kweengxaki, ukukhusela ubudlelwane obunamandla kunye nokudibanisa ngakumbi.
Ngelixa ndingathandi ukwahlukana, ndiyazi ukuba kuyenzeka. Ngoko ke, ukuba ukwahlukana akunakuphepheka, ngoko kuyakha ngendlela eya kuba yingenelo kulwalamano lwakho. Musa ukuvumela ukwahlukana kuphazamise ubudlelwane bakho.
Ngaba Ukwahlukana Kungawusindisa Umtshato Wakho? Ividiyo eyeleleneyo:
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